Frequently Asked Questions
About PFOX
How are you different from the former Exodus International or other ex-gay groups?
PFOX is not a therapeutic or counseling organization, but instead aims to fill the void by offering support to the families, advocating for the ex-gay community, and educating the public on sexual orientation.
How are you funded?
PFOX is a donor supported 501(C)3 non-profit organization. Donations to PFOX are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law.
How can I get help?
We have a variety of resources and connections depending on who you are, and what kind of help you are looking for. We invite you to explore our website thoroughly including our referral page, our parents’ page, and our resources page depending on your needs and situation.
Who are PFOX families?
PFOX families love their homosexual child unconditionally. Unlike other organizations which insist that parental love is conditional on affirming homosexual behavior, there are no conditions on our love for our children. We can accept our children without embracing their belief system or lifestyle decisions. We do not have to approve of everything our children do. Blanket approval is not responsible parenting or love. True love persists in loving regardless of our differences and treats each other with kindness and respect.
How can my school or business support ex-gays?
Schools that address the issue of sexual orientation must present all of the facts in a fair and balanced manner. According to Public Schools and Sexual Orientation Consensus Guidelines, school officials are urged to include the viewpoints of all participants in order to develop policies that promote fairness for all. Actions by educators to exclude some views merely because they disagree with them constitute viewpoint discrimination in violation of the First Amendment. Therefore, the ex-gay viewpoint in public schools is protected by the First Amendment and should be heard. These Guidelines are endorsed by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), American Association of School Administrators, Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, and the First Amendment Center.
Kevin Jennings, former Assistant Deputy Secretary for Safe and Drug-Free Schools of the U.S. Department of Education, the National Educators Association (NEA) Ex-Gay Educators Caucus, and the American College of Pediatricians all support ex-gay equal access to schools.
About Homosexuality
Aren’t people born gay?
Many ex-gays will tell you that at one point in their life they thought they were “born gay.” The reality is that no scientific evidence has established a genetic cause for homosexuality or found a “gay gene.” There is no DNA or medical test to determine if a person is homosexual. Sexual orientation is a matter of self-affirmation and public declaration. “Gay” is a self-chosen identity. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there are no replicated scientific studies to support that people can be born “gay” or that homosexuality is innate.
According to the American Psychological Association, “[a]lthough much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors.” [2008]
Do people choose to be gay?
Many ex-gays will tell you they absolutely did not “choose to be gay.” The reality is that many of them were horrified to realize that they had an erotic attraction to the same-sex, which they did not ask for, and could not seemingly control. The only “choice” that some ex-gays will tell you they made, was to finally accept at a certain point in their life what everyone had been telling them for years: that they were gay. Either through labeling and bullying, or a lack of fitting in with their peers–and no alternative answer or understanding of why they felt these uncontrollable sexual attractions in their daily life–they ultimately chose to accept a gay identity.
Do people choose to be ex-gay?
Many ex-gays will tell you that they never made a choice about their attractions – as in, one day they simply chose to no longer have erotic attractions towards the same-sex. However, they will tell you that whether in a specific moment, or over the course of time, they made a decision to positively change their lives, and that journey out of homosexuality is unique and nuanced for each individual person.
PFOX is not an anti-gay organization – we are a pro-ex-gay organization. All people should be treated with dignity. We respect the opinions of others, even if they disagree with us. We do not ask for their approval, only their tolerance.
About Cultural Issues
What is your stance concerning gay marriage?
PFOX does not have an official stance concerning gay marriage.
What is your stance concerning efforts to ban change therapy for minors?
PFOX supports the right of all individuals to seek the therapy of their choice, including heterosexual therapy or counseling to overcome unwanted same-sex attractions. Children should have a safe environment to seek the help they want and need without fear, and be able to access full mental health care as legally provided.
What is the ex-gay movement?
Former homosexuals are the last invisible minority in America. The ex-gay movement is a civil rights movement that strives to ensure the safety and inclusion of former homosexuals in all realms of society and equal access to all public venues. Ex-gays and their supporters should not have to be “closeted” for fear of public negative reactions or disapproval. Former homosexuals do not think something is wrong with them because they decided to fulfill their heterosexual potential. They also do not believe others should condemn them for the personal decisions they have made for their lives. Social diversity is incomplete and disingenuous without the ex-gay community.
Do gay activists oppose the ex-gay movement?
Respecting the lives of other people who have made a decision to change – and including them in the conversation – is crucial to building a tolerant society. Unfortunately, some gay activists deny that change is possible – and so deny that we exist. Those opponents sadly and surprisingly believe in exclusion, censorship, and allowing only one side of the story to be told, despite demanding tolerance from others
Although gay organizations advocate for the rights of homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, transsexuals, and the intersexed, they do not add ‘ex-gay’ to this list and oppose ex-gay equality. But including ex-gays in their efforts would help promote tolerance for ex-gays in all segments of society.
Many ex-gays are afraid to “come out of the closet” because of the harassment they will receive. Gay activists strategically target anyone who comes out publicly as ex-gay and try to force them back into anonymity so they can claim that ex-gays do not exist.
PFOX is not an anti-gay organization – we are a pro-ex-gay organization. All people should be treated with dignity. We respect the opinions of others, even if they disagree with us. We do not ask for their approval, only their tolerance.
Why must ex-gays be included in sexual orientation topics?
Ex-gays must be included in the formation of public policy because we have much to contribute to the understanding of sexual orientation. Without testimony from all sectors of society, public policy on this issue is seriously flawed.
Former homosexual men and women, as well as their friends and family, feel threatened because they are subjected to a hostile environment if they publicly reveal their former homosexuality or support of the ex-gay community. Courageous men and women who have left their gay identity must not be denied their Constitutional rights. To give sexual orientation protection to one group while excluding another is outright discrimination, and is unconstitutional.