Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX)
~ supporting the right of homosexuals to choose change ~
Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ~ 703-360-2225 ~ pfox@pfox.org ~ www.pfox.org

Welcome to Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays!

We support families in loving their homosexual child unconditionally. Other groups that claim to help families insist that parents love their children only if they affirm the child's homosexuality. PFOX believes that parents can love their children unconditionally and without any stipulations. Placing conditions on love is just that -- conditional.

As responsible parents, we must seek the facts and love our children unconditionally without having to affirm their homosexual behavior. We do not have to approve of everything our children do. Blanket approval is not responsible parenting or love. True love is loving in spite of our differences and treating each other with kindness and respect.

Please join us in our journey for truth, tolerance, and understanding.

What is PFOX?

Founded in 1998, Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) is a 501(c) (3) tax exempt non-profit organization providing outreach, education, and public awareness in support of the ex-gay community and families touched by homosexuality. PFOX's statement of principles is found at www.pathinfo.org

PFOX promotes an inclusive environment for the ex-gay community, and works to eliminate negative perceptions and discrimination against former homosexuals. PFOX conducts public education and community-building activities to further compassion and respect for all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation. PFOX envisions communities characterized by more stable families and a tolerant understanding of sexual orientation.

Who are ex-gays?

Each year, thousands of men and women with unwanted same-sex attractions make the personal decision to leave homosexuality and a gay identity through gender affirming programs, including secular therapy, faith based ministries and other non-judgmental environments. Their decision is one only they can make. We at PFOX respect that decision. However, there are others in society who refuse to respect individual self-determination and attack the ex-gay community. Consequently, formerly gay men and women are reviled simply because they dare to exist. Without PFOX, former homosexuals would have no voice in a hostile environment.

No one is born gay. All scientific studies, including those by gay scientists, have not found any gay gene or gay brain center. There is no medical test for a gay gene. There is no scientific or DNA test to determine if a person is homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a matter of self-affirmation and public declaration.

Ex-gays are living proof that homosexual orientation is not fixed permanently. People can and do make the decision every day to seek help in overcoming unwanted same-sex attractions. Because of PFOX, the public is beginning to recognize that ex-gays have much to contribute to the understanding of sexual orientation.

Is homosexuality a choice?

Homosexuality is not a choice in that no one chooses same-sex feelings or asks for them. But unwanted homosexual feelings can be overcome. Ex-gays can testify to the fact that same-sex attractions can change. All individuals with unwanted same-sex attractions deserve the right to self-determination and happiness based on their own needs, and not the needs of others.

How do sexual orientation laws and policies affect ex-gays?

Ex-gays are subject to an increasingly hostile environment where they are labeled as perpetrators of hate and discrimination against homosexuals simply because they advocate for or live out a different view of homosexuality. Since the early 1990’s, gay activists have focused on the creation of a situation in which everyone who does not accept the notion that homosexuality is in every way equivalent to heterosexuality is labeled as a bigot whose attitudes equate to racism.

Alternatives to homosexuality are interpreted as harassment “against” gays, even though the individuals seeking to leave behind their same sex attractions are merely exercising a freedom to reaffirm the gender of their birth. Sexual orientation laws are interpreted to silence the ex-gay community and their supporters. Consequently, sexual orientation laws legitimize intolerance against former homosexuals. Indeed, fighting “hate” and “discrimination” against gays has become a euphemism for attacks against ex-gays.

For example, David Ott of Madison, Wisconsin, was charged with a hate crime because he stated his own experience as a former homosexual that homosexuals could change their sexual orientation. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Educational Network (GLSEN) distributed a booklet in the schools accusing former homosexuals of "harassment" because ex-gay groups want the same access to public schools as gay groups. Equality Virginia, a gay rights group, demanded that Metro remove PFOX’s subway billboards advocating tolerance for former homosexuals.

Cornelius Baker, the executive director of an AIDS clinic (Whitman-Walker) that receives federal funding, labeled ex-gays as “political extremists” who “tortured and brainwashed” teens, although he endorses gay outreach to questioning youth. After receiving “threats, insults and brutal letters” for running an advertisement for an ex-gay book, Psychology Today Editor Bob Epstein acknowledged the “dark, intolerant, abusive side of the gay community.” Facing pressure campaigns, Detroit’s three major television networks refused to run ads featuring ex-gay men.

Orlando Commissioner Patty Sheehan denounced her fellow commissioner for issuing a proclamation honoring an ex-gay organization even though she herself freely makes proclamations celebrating “Gay Days” every year at Disney World. Ms. Sheehan, an open lesbian, went so far as to compare the ex-gay organization to the KKK, thereby demeaning African-American ex-gays. The list is endless because every day brings new hostile acts against the ex-gay community.

Ex-gays must be included in the formation of public policy because they have much to contribute to the understanding and application of sexual orientation. They are living proof that homosexuality is neither genetic, inborn, or immutable. Without testimony from all sectors of society, public policy on this issue is seriously flawed.

Why must questioning youth have access to complete sexual orientation information, including alternatives to homosexuality?

Schools that address the issue of sexual orientation must present all of the facts in a fair and balanced manner instead of encouraging confused and impressionable youth to immediately label themselves as “gay” and thus ensure a future homosexual outcome when it may be unnecessary. Teenagers’ same-sex attractions do not automatically mean that they are homosexual. Many teens go through temporary episodes of idealization of same-sex peers and should not be urged to prematurely label themselves as "gay". Most parents hope to maximize the likelihood of their child growing up to be heterosexual and comfortable in affirming his or her own masculine or feminine nature. Teens themselves need to have all the facts presented to them.

Children should not be encouraged to identify themselves based on sexual feelings alone. There is more to one's identity than sexual attractions.

Do gay activists oppose efforts to protect the equal rights of former homosexuals?

They shouldn’t. Although gay organizations advocate for the rights of homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders, the intersexed, and questioning youth, they do not add “ex-gay” to that list. Yet the addition of ex-gays to the highly diverse realm of sexual orientation ensures tolerance for all segments of our society. PFOX is not an anti-gay organization – rather, we are a pro-ex-gay organization. All people should be treated with dignity. We respect the opinions of others, even if they disagree with us. Indeed, we do not ask for their approval – only their tolerance.

Do I have to dislike ex-gays if I have gay friends or family?

No! You can have friends who are gay and other friends who are ex-gay. Befriending the ex-gay community does not mean that you are being disloyal to the gay people you know and love. Just like you have everstraight friends, you can also have ex-gay friends.

What if my gay child threatens to withhold his love or communication from our family unless we reject the ex-gay community?

Children or other loved ones with same-sex attractions who are intolerant of ex-gays and threaten to cut you off unless you also agree with their beliefs are practicing emotional blackmail. We must love our gay children unconditionally and vice-versa. Conditions placed on love is not love. We can get along with others without having to believe in everything they believe.

Should gays hate ex-gays?

No, of course not. Many gay activist organizations instruct their members to reject ex-gays and homosexuals who refuse to embrace same-sex conduct or self-identify as "gay." This rejection is another form of heterophobia that can be overcome with education and outreach. Gay activists cannot claim sympathy as victims when they victimize their own. We should all be tolerant of each other regardless of our sexual orientation.

The demonization of ex-gays by gays themselves is a sad end to the long struggle for tolerance by the gay community. That ex-gays and their supporters are now oppressed by the same people who until recently were victimized themselves, demonstrates how far the gay rights movement has come. Indeed, a new chapter in the movement has begun – the right of homosexuals and lesbians to leave unwanted homosexuality.

What is the ex-gay movement?

Former homosexuals are the last invisible minority group in America. The ex-gay movement is a civil rights movement to ensure the inclusion of former homosexuals in all realms of society and to support the ex-gay community’s equal access to the public marketplace of discussion on sexual orientation. Ex-gays and their supporters should not have to be closeted for fear of other’s negative reactions or disapproval. We like to think that many ex-gays and their families are fine people. They do not think something is wrong with them because they decided to fulfill their heterosexual potential. Nor do they believe others should condemn them for the personal decision they have made for their lives.

Why would anyone choose to leave homosexuality when there is so much discrimination against the ex-gay community?

Because of the abuse heaped upon them by society, former homosexuals experience discrimination at every level. When a gay marries an opposite sex partner, that ex-gay is ridiculed by former friends. Ex-gays find heterosexuals also reject them if their past is known because "Once gay, always gay" is assumed. While gays can come out of the "closet," ex-gays are forced to stay in theirs because of public prejudice. While gays gain sympathy as victims, ex-gays are criticized and face life-long intolerance for simply existing as living proof that homosexuality is not innate. Americans need to face the real issue of bigotry -- oppression of ex-gays. Gay activists cannot claim sympathy as victims when they victimize their own.

Do gays undergo reparative therapy in order to become ex-gays?

Not all ex-gays underwent reparative therapy, or any other kind of change therapy, for that matter. Some ex-gays transitioned out of homosexuality by ex-gay ministries, Homosexuals Anonymous, group counseling, or on their own initiative. None of the medical or scientific associations prohibit reparative therapy or any other change therapy. Indeed, the associations adhere to a code of ethics which calls for client self-determination of their individual therapy. Moreover, none of the associations condone intolerance against former homosexuals.

Do mental health associations support change therapy?

Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, Professor of Psychiatry and Chief of Biometrics at Columbia University, now says homosexuality may sometimes be changeable. Dr. Robert Spitzer’s recent Columbia University study of former homosexuals documented that same sex attractions may be overcome. Ironically, Dr. Spitzer is the psychiatrist who initiated the removal of homosexuality from the psychiatric diagnostic manual in 1973. His provocative new study drew worldwide media attention at the American Psychiatric Association's annual conference on May 9th, 2001[i ] and after peer review, it was published in the October 2003 journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

"Like most psychiatrists," says Dr. Spitzer, "I thought that homosexual behavior could be resisted--but that no one could really change their sexual orientation. I now believe that's untrue--some people can and do change." A total of 200 subjects (143 men and 57 women) were personally interviewed by Dr. Spitzer.[ii] He now believes that "...there is evidence that change in sexual orientation following some form of reparative therapy does occur in some gay men and lesbians.”[iii]

Dr. Spitzer also stated, “It is often said that those who try to change their sexual orientation become very depressed as a result. That was not the case for the subjects of this study. There was in fact a marked decline in depression after their effort to change.” [iv] And "Patients should have the right to explore their heterosexual potential."[v]

The American Psychological Association admits reorientation therapy is not harmful. Dr. E. Mark Stern, Ed. D. Fellow of the A.P.A. and Professor Emeritus of The Graduate Faculty of Arts and Sciences, Iona College N.Y., has acknowledged that "the APA [American Psychological Association at its summer 2001 meeting] did admit that there was no body of evidence to prove that reorientation therapies are harmful."[vi]

Dr. Martin Seligman, (1998 President of the American Psychological Association), cites research in his book, What You Can Change and What You Can't, that he is optimistic about change for those who have had fewer homosexual experiences and/or some bisexual feelings.[vii]

Dr. Raymond Fowler, (CEO of the American Psychological Association) acknowledges that his interpretation of the APA's position on reorientation therapy is that those who wish to explore developing heterosexual feelings or behavior have a right to do so as part of every client's right to self-determination.[viii]

Dr. Robert Perloff, (Past President of the American Psychological Association), condemns attempts to repress research on the effectiveness of change therapy.[ix] Dr. Perloff, now with the University of Pittsburgh, charged that the APA is "too politically correct, too bureaucratic, too obeisant to special interests." The APA’s gay Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Issues has consistently lobbied against the right of homosexuals and lesbians to receive treatment for unwanted same sex attractions, or to even study the viability of sexual reorientation therapy.

At a Town Hall Meeting at the organization’s 2006 convention, APA President Gerald P. Koocher stated, “APA has no conflict with psychologists who help those distressed by unwanted homosexual attraction.” What a psychologist believes about politics and religion should have no bearing on a patient’s desires or needs.

Larry T. Freeman, MA, LPC, Manager, Ethics and Professional Standards for the American Counseling Association (ACA) [2005], affirms that “[T]he ACA’s Code of Ethics Section A.2. (Respecting Diversity) and b. (Respecting Differences) is applicable to clients who seek to change their sexual orientation. [T]he person(s) should have the freedom of choice to seek appropriate treatment for it…”

Several studies on the efficacy of change therapies have been published in scientific journals: "Initial Empirical and Clinical Findings Concerning the Change Process for Ex-Gays” in the American Psychological Association journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice (June 2002); “Motivational, Ethical, and Epistemological Foundations in the Clinical Treatment of Unwanted Homoerotic Attraction” in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29, 13-28 (2003); “Can Some Gay Men and Lesbians Change Their Sexual Orientation?” in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, 403-417 (October 2003); “Efforts to Modify Sexual Orientation” in Journal of Mental Health Counseling,” 20, 283-304 (1998); and “Young Women’s Relinquishment of Lesbian/Bisexual Identities Over a 5-Year Period” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 352-3649 (2003).

Have mental health associations banned the practice of reparative and other change therapies?

Nearly all mental health associations have issued advisories concerning sexual orientation change in counseling. However, these organizations have not banned the practice of change therapy. Consider the words of the Executive Director of the American Psychological Association, Raymond Fowler:

The APA's position on reparative therapy is that those who wish to explore developing heterosexual feelings or behavior have a right to do so as part of every client's right to self-determination. If an individual is comfortable with homosexuality, it is not the role of the therapist to convince the client otherwise. If one's feelings are ego-dystonic and there is a desire to talk about changing, that is an acceptable choice and a psychologist may participate if he or she desires. – Ray Fowler, CEO, APA

See also Ethical Principles of Psychologists and the Code of Conduct, American Psychological Association, Principle D. p 1599, 1992 (“[T]hat psychologists…respect the rights of individuals to privacy, confidentiality, self-determination and autonomy”).
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[i] Dr.Robert L. Spitzer, "200 Subjects Who Claim to Have Changed Their Sexual Orientation from Homosexual to Heterosexual", American Psychiatric Association Annual Convention, New Orleans, (May 9, 2001).

[ii] Ibid

[iii] Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, “Can Some Gay Men and Lesbians Change Their Sexual Orientation?... Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol 32, No 5, October 2003, p 403.

[iv] Ibid

[v] Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, "200 Subjects Who Claim to Have Changed Their Sexual Orientation from Homosexual to Heterosexual", American Psychiatric Association Annual Convention, New Orleans, (May 9, 2001).

[vi] Dr. E. Mark Stern, "The Battle Against the A.P.A. Resolution, Interview" NARTH (20002), www.Narth.com.

[vii] Reported in "1999 NARTH Conference, Speech by Brent Scharman," The NARTH Bulletin, (December 1999).

[viii] Ibid.

[ix] http://www.narth.com/docs/barring.html