PFOX Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays

For Us

For Us is the place for ex-gays to read and anonymously post our honest feelings without fear of judgment or condemnation from others. This is our space! Tell us why you left or are thinking of leaving homsexuality, how you have adjusted, how you now view gays and everstraights, tips for others coming out of homosexuality, you name it! Nothing is off limits – just be honest! Email posts to: pfox@pfox.org

Got an ex-gay personal experience for For Us?

This is strange I didn't know these sites existed, I just put in ex gays and here I am. I'll do the best I can. Since the age of 7 I started having same sex attractions. By the age of 15 I was having sex with girls and that continued until I was 29. That was almost 3yrs ago. I had on Dec 25, 2003 finished being intimate with my girlfriend and she left the bedroom and I was sitting on the side of the bed with the TV on. Bishop Tu Tu was on 20/20 talking about Jesus and out of nowhere I heard like a loud voice say, " Repent, Repent YOU’RE GOING TO HELL TURN, FROM YOUR WICKED WAYS." My girlfriend came back in the room I was shaking and crying and she asked me what was wrong and I said to her we have to REPENT.

Now, up to that point I had never used or really understood what repent meant, but, I got on my knees and cried out to God and asked for forgiveness for my sins and God as my witness when I got off my knees my life has never been the same. I threw away all of my lesbian sex toys and anything having to do with sex. I haven't cut my hair since that time. I used to be a Stud, even down to my underwear. But I gave all my boy clothes away and me and my girlfriend broke up and went our separate ways. I'm now a member of a Bible believing Church and a Sunday School Teacher for 10-12 year old girls. It's been very strange and scary at times. Somedays I don't feel like I belong but, the Holy Spirit has truly been my Comforter. I know by the Power of God I am healed and delivered it's just my mind has to be transformed Rom 12:1-2.

Keep me in your Prayers, Peace!

—Maleeka

I will tell you from my own experience raising my son (in a lesbian household) whose biological dad was still in his life. My son used to lament that he was the "only " male in the house and "even the dog was a girl!" I love my son, and myself enjoy all the things males tend to enjoy, the outdoors, working on the house, building, lawn work, sports etc. My son and I golf and motorcycle together, but he STILL NEEDS HIS DAD's INFLUENCE! I f anyone is doing research out there, you can contact me!

I asked my exhusband to take my son during his high school years because he NEEDED the maleness of his father. He needed the role model of what it means to be a "father" not a mother. And what it means to be a "protector" not only of women but his younger sisters and the responsibilities of that duty. If women are "real" about themselves and not living in their "female fantasy world" (I'm sorry if I sound harsh), they "know in their knowers" that boys desire to relate to men and to bond w/other males.

Does it mean females cant' raise boys by themselves? No, it does not, but it is NOT the optimal form of being raised and I have a son who is "proof" of the necessity of his dad in his life and how it's helped in his maturing as a male, not an "oppressor". I think God has a real sense of humor and is allowing lesbian women like I was to have sons to teach them lessons needed to learn. I wonder if they will wake up and smell the coffee?

—Betty

Why not seek help for homosexuality? Can you imagine what used to be said about AA before it became popular ?? I vividly remember my mother standing in the living room telling me that my father had an "incurable disease" called alcoholism and that there was "nothing" that could be done about it.

Even at the tender age of 11, I questioned that rationale to myself and since then have seen, read, and known about the innumerable amount of people who have "conquered" this "incurable disease" because two men had the courage to speak out against the masses. So many people want to keep a problem a problem by rationalizing it - NO THANK YOU - I like the idea of coming up with probable solutions instead. –

— Donna

My daughter spouted all the gay rights lines to us. She said she was born that way, that she'd loved her former boyfriend like a brother, that this wasn't just a passing phase, this was who she was, she'd always been gay and had just come out, why would she "choose" something like that when gays are treated so terribly, etc. Then her lesbian relationship turned into a nightmare for her. There were multiple breakups with lesbian lovers before one finally took. Then she moved to a different city and got a new job. The first week, a boy where she worked asked her out and that was the end of the gay life. I think it's easier for girls to just return to the heterosexual world, especially when they move to a new city.

—From a mother of an ex-gay

My biggest regret is my total ignorance concerning same sex attractions (SSA). Because I had no knowledge, I didn't know how to help my son. Because I experienced deep grief, I wasted some time before I was able to look at the problem and react by learning. I would love to see a world armed with the knowledge and truth of SSA before a crisis arises. We know what to do about drugs, alcohol etc., with our children, but with SSA we just hope it never happens and don't pay too much attention until it does. Then BAM, we crawl into bed and pull the covers over our head, never intending to step into the world again. With education and knowledge we as parents could avoid some unknown mistakes, step in sooner, and provide help and resources to support our children, just like we would in any other situation.

—A Mom

Dear PFOX,

I am a teenager who had gone through a rough time when my parents divorced. In short of all my difficulties, I sought help professionally with a psychitrist who offered to give me insight into my own sexually. i found the topic inappropriate as his suggestions to embrace possible same sex attraction as normal because i knew deep inside i was not gay. despite my opposition towards the topic, i have come to realize that people my age have few resources to turn to when they come to crisis at home. i realized after watching a show called 'Straight Men in Gay World' that there is a continual form of hypocrisy to embrace their lifestyle yet amend our own without question.

I am writing that i agree with your position to encourage those who seek help ways of finding it. by looking onto your website in my time of crisis, i managed to survive to see another day becuase i was hopelessly lost and confused on what to think about myself, my family and my faith.

i thank you for bringing about this site because i also have a relative who is gay and didn't even know such groups existed. however, her blindness to the world around her continues to keep her in a cloud about her lifestyle that any viewpoint otherwise is "hate". i resent this because for one, i love her because she will always be family and two, i want her happy. but i do not agree with the Gay-Rights bias on religion who clearly points the faults in others, but not themselves.

—A teen

A guy I knew once asked me if I knew he was gay. I replied, "I knew you were effeminate but I didn't know you were gay. Not all gay men are effeminate and not all effeminate men are gay."

He seemed shocked to finally meet someone who understood.

There are some people I meet who have been forced into the homosexual lifestyle simply because they are too "pink" (for the men) or too "butch" (for the women).

Then there are those who are simply scared of various aspects of the opposite sex and don't know where to turn. Then they are offered the "safety" of homosexuality. I have met women who never had to "grow up" through that point where you cross over to the line from "disliking" boys to finding boys attractive. And then they get "harvested" by a local lesbian and then they never, ever has to cross over at all.

I know of one woman who whenever she met a family member who found out about her "preferences" she would demand they accept her and if they didn't she would declare them not to be a "member of the family." Man! Talk about intimidation!

—Jerry

HI everybody,

I thought I would give my observations about the Exodus conference last summer:

At the ex-gay conference, a married couple addressed the audience. They spoke about their only son. He was an emotionally dependent relationship with another young man who was abusive to him and his dog. Finally, after three years, their son decided to enter into counseling to leave homosexuality. He left his boyfriend and moved into his own apartment. The night before he was to begin counseling, his ex-boyfriend raped him and strangled him. The father of the dead son apologized to the ex-gays in the audience for having made negative remarks about gays before he found out that his own son was gay. The audience gave him a standing ovation in response.

Jerry Falwell also spoke. He talked about allowing gay activists in his church. He said Soulforce's Mel White moved from California to Lynchburg, Virginia because Falwell was there. White and his gay activists used to attend Falwell's church and stand up together as a group whenever Falwell or his recovery director spoke about homosexuality. White eventually stopped doing that because some of the gay activists ended up converted to the faith and in the church's recovery program. Falwell said one of them is now attending Liberty Baptist seminary. Falwell also spoke about why gay activists are so riled up against ex-gays.

Another speaker talked about the new theology known as gay theology, which reinterprets the Bible to explain away the sin of sodomy. The speaker explained that some gays are using gay theology to justify their homosexual behavior to themselves. If you are comfortable being gay, you won't need religion to justify your lifestyle. It's only those gays who are guilty about what they are doing that need to convince themselves and others around them that sodomy is not a sin. (This made sense to me. My gay friends know that sodomy is condemned in the Bible and could care less. It doesn't affect their lifestyle and they don't try to convince me or others that the Bible is wrong. After all, man was made in God's image and not the other way around.)

Regina Griggs of PFOX held a parent's group meeting. Some parents remarked on how their children disapproved of their attendance at this ex-gay conference and other ex-gay activities. We laughed as we contrasted it with parental disapproval of a child's attendance at gay pride events. We met a young woman who had been a gay activist for over six years. She and her parents still don't talk. We also met another ex-lesbian who also does not communicate with her parents because they don't want any of their Christian friends to know that she was once gay, so they won't talk to her until she stops participating in ex-gay events and making speeches; in other words, goes into the closet. Regina was very helpful to these wounded children.

Dr. Nancy Heche spoke to parents about her life. She has a daughter with brain cancer and asked us to pray for her. She said our Christian walk should prepare us for anything. She said that God always gives us a second chance to get it right. Whatever happens to you in your life can serve to advance the Gospel. Always bless your children, regardless if you communicate with them or not. The blessing releases God's power to change the destiny of the person you are blessing. Don't be surprised at life's painful trial. God is always there.

One ex-gay minister spoke about a "Who's Your Daddy?" prayer service that he once attended. Everyone who never knew their fathers were invited up to the altar and prayed for. He went up and realized right then and there that God is his father.

I was so blind & gullible when I was in the gay lifestyle thinking it was my safe haven as well as "heaven" on earth. Look at me now...I have been getting nowhere as I would not be able to find Mr. Right since too many guys don't want to commit despite their statements about wanting to find someone and get settled down. Guess their words are empty....just talk and no action! Having seen so many gay guys my age or older who still would party, drink, do drugs & try to sleep with many men as possible in which they would do the same thing 10-20 years ago but no plans to change. So it is not something that I would like to see for myself in the future! It is indeed a very empty & depressing lifestyle!

I dated quite a few guys where I really felt a strong bond but it never worked out. I have seen many gay couples who would eventually become "roommates" or "brothers" in that they no longer have a relationship together but instead become best buddies. Too many gay relationships easily dissolve into liquid sooner or later. These who would remain in relationships, would show signs of strong misery & bondage.

No wonder many gays would cheat on their “spouses” by seeking action with other guys for the thrills of enjoying sex with different men! Also, many gay couples would have a third person involved in order to add spice to their relationship! How pathetic they would have to do in attempt to salvage their relationships! Therefore, I just couldn't see myself in a gay relationship even if it should last for years. I would only feel so trapped & miserable screaming to escape the relationship. Many gays would want out but may not do so due to being financially dependent on their lovers.

—Guess who

I am happy to be able to have feelings toward the opposite sex that I do my best not to look at any good looking guys as it would not be worth my time or efforts. Guess I am kinda addicted at admiring great looking guys since I am never satisfied with how I look no matter how hard I try. Some people would comment that I am quite good looking but I don't look masculine by any means.

Always having wished to be more beefy or muscular to display degrees of being manly, I guess it is rather silly now as I see many guys like me married to wonderful women. Praise to these women to overlook their husbands' less macho physical qualities as looks aren't everything! I do know some beautiful looking gay men but I would not want to touch them with a ten-foot pole as they only are good at causing heartaches!Anyway, having a woman to love me for whom I am, would be wonderful as being with her would make me feel like a real man! I would want to hold her hand, comfort, support, encourage and help her in any way I can while she would do the same for me as well.

The only big drawback is that I realized how wrong the gay lifestyle is when I am older..not in my twenties or thirties but at the age of 37-38. I just hope it won't be too late to start over as there is so much life to live & experience. Why, I wish I would have felt this way years ago but guess it is better late than never!

—Me

When it comes to a gay relationship, it is difficult to determine who would be the "man" or "woman" which bothered me a lot. It was rather difficult to imagine myself in either category when it comes to a gay relationship. Why, it would mean that I could decide to switch to either category sometimes. I would most definitely feel very awkward being the "woman" in the gay relationship. The same would go for being the "man" in that relationship. Being the "man" where the other person is a man doesn't click well with me. Men should act like men all the time. It is a great shame that many gays never learn how to be real men due to being raised in dysfunctional surroundings! So when it comes to a straight relationship, it is effortless to figure where I should be...the man in the relationship so there won't be any conflicts in my role.

—Alex

I tend to feel comfortable with female peers than with other guys out there in the mainstream world. So what I need is to start hanging around with straight guys and learn from them on how to be a man. I only hope that they won't be too sport-oriented as I don't exactly dig sports, LOL! In the past when I spoke with straight men, I would tend to think what they would look in the nude along with fantasies about seducing them even if it would never become reality. That way, it clouded my efforts to develop healthy relationships with straight men. If I am fortunate to develop great relationships with straight men, I would lose the feeling of having the need to have gay friends!

Also, I have to learn how to approach women in a different fashion like what straight men would do. Too often, I would want to be their "sister" where they would regard me as one of the girls but in a male body!

—Ed

When I first started experiencing a desire toward women years ago, I would put the feelings under the rug thinking these would go away. But no, they would become stronger and stronger with time passing so I have no choice but to embrace these feelings. I thought I was undergoing a bisexual phase in which gays would like to describe that but it is not the case! Apparently, it is here to stay! It is a fact that many gays who would be totally gay their entire lives w/ no previous heterosexual experiences, would start experiencing feelings toward women at some point in their life...probably in their 30's or 40's that they would no longer be able to identify themselves strictly gay.

Some of them would adopt the label of being bisexual or straight later on while the others would remain gay but probably have secret flings w/ women w/o letting their gay friends know! Yet some gays would surprise everyone by getting married to a woman! I only pray that my feelings toward women would become stronger or remain the same when I find a woman. Would hate to see my gay side return to take over one day so you see that human sexuality is indeed a complicated business!

—Joe

I'm convinced the reason gays rarely find that "special person for life" is because they're THE SAME SEX! Homosexual sex is about SELF-satisfaction, there is no sense of completion with an "other", no union of two souls in a physical act. It's just about mutual gratification.

—Been there, done that

Out of the tens of thousands of ex-gays out there, only about fifty to one-hundred of them are public. There are a variety of reasons for this, but the main one is that most of us are not real willing to have a bull's-eye painted on our chest. Those ex-gays who are in the public eye get grief not only from the radical pro-gay community, but many also get it from the Church. I know from quiet discussion that there are many within the congregation where I am a member who would shun me in an instant if they knew the truth about me being a former homosexual. My wife finds my story very embarrassing, even now, which limits the discussion with others around us. We are making progress, but I limit my exposure for the sake of my wife.

But things are changing. More and more ex-gays are standing up and making a difference. In my view, it's a matter of time now. As the heat from the pro-gay radicals increases, more and more of us are stepping out, a little at a time, to speak up in various forums. It's happening. Maybe slowly, but it's happening.

—Mike

I think that it's horrible that there are actually groups out there that protest change. This is just another obstacle that people, like myself, that are trying to change have to overcome. I can see if someone is completely happy with their gay lifestyle and show no interest whatsoever on changing that they simply not try to change. It absolutely pisses me off that they are also brainwashing people that want to change into believing that they can't. It's absolutely absurd and selfish!

I can't even search the web for info about change without being bombarded from websites of anti-ex-gay activists saying bad things about trying to change. Although now, It goes in one ear and out the other with a roll of my eyes, I remember a point in time where I was torn apart between one gay therapist who said that change is ridiculous and anyone disagreeing is only "fake" and lying to themselves, and an ex-gay therapist saying "don't give up". It is because of this that I think it is sooo hard to initiate change.

These people should just mind there own damn business and allow people to seek happiness. I think they do it because they are unhappy with their own lives and don't want anyone with their same condition to succeed in ACTUALLY finding REAL happiness. I'm sorry for whoever this might offend, but I just had to vent. I'm tired of it already.

—Aaron

When I was a lesbian, I remember going to the gay MCC Metropolitan Community Church and feeling so free at first - I thought I could have God and my lesbian relationship. I thought everyone else was closed-minded. I did get some positive things out of the church. But I was bothered because it was like nothing was a sin. The pastor had a boyfriend yet he came on to my friend and many other men there and it took forever before anyone said anything about it.

Eventually that pastor left and another pastor came in. Well, this man was bisexual. He was married and then started having an affair with another man. They got kicked out of their church. Anyhow, he ended that relationship and ended up marrying another woman while he was pastor. And all these people in the congregation were outraged by it and the church split. Then a woman pastor took over and people were bothered by her too because after church she drank, and some people thought she drank too much. And also it was no big deal to go to church and then go to a gay bar.

So why am I saying all this? Well that gay affirming church was not stable. And there was very little ever said about sin and it was probably off-base. I stopped going anyway.

I will admit that my experiences are limited but I just have not met all these great homosexuals couples that everyone talks about. And the whole thing about lesbians having more stable relationships, just because people stay together doesn't mean they are stable. At the same time it was very sad going there because there were a lot of men who had HIV or full-blown AIDS and while I was there three of them died.

And as far as lesbians not objectifying other women, well that is just not true, many of them DO exactly that. "Oh look at that" when some pretty girl walks by like some redneck construction worker. And the lover I was with, she did the SAME thing to me, and I can't believe I am saying so, but it is true. She sure didn't care about my mind or my heart or my goals.

I knew a guy that struggled with this, you know he was an outcast because he was overweight. My lover said of him, "He is not pretty enough to be gay" Like all that matters is what someone looks like or what someone weighs. He worried me because he would drive to the lake and have anonymous sex while he was engaged to a girl. And as far as lesbians being less violent - I think that is a myth. Try being at a butch bar and see how many fights break out because of jealous. I know a girl whose girlfriend stabbed her during an argument. They fought physically all the time.

I cannot think of one gay or lesbian relationship that I have known the people where there wasn't a lot of disfunction, so it is no wonder I came to my conclusions that there was something wrong with the gay lifestyle. I cannot see how others say that it is unhealthy or self-rejecting to acknowledge this truth that I have seen with my own eyes. I sure didn't WANT to see it, but it was there, it was real. I wish it wasn't this way, and I wish I hadn't seen these things. I can't answer why, but I know that God doesn't want me to subject myself to that.

In fact jealous is extremely COMMON in lesbian relationships. I had that problem myself, although she was doing things and I had a reason to feel that way. And I am not a violent person, yet she made me want to hit the wall sometimes. All and all she brought out the worst in me. Maybe for some people it is about love, well for me it wasn't. I thought it was love, but I was very mistaken. And I would rather be alone the rest of my life than love or be loved like that.

So is it any wonder then that it finally occurred to me that maybe my family had been right all along? This path might get lonely, because it might be hard for a gay person in this world, but is sure isn't easy for an ex-gay. I don't know what the future holds but this sure is better than being verbally abused and being with someone that brings out all of my worst and none of my best.

My pain was not caused by my parents, it was caused by my own discomfort with what was really in my heart, while I publicly professed to believe the opposite. I don't think this was caused by an intolerant society, it was caused by my own sense of right and wrong. And then to feel betrayed by every gay person that was in my life at the time because I came out as ex-gay? I mean, I was the one eating my words. And it HURT a great deal because I loved them yet I was some kind of joke. I am not brainwashed into thinking it is wrong either, I hate it when people think ex-gays are brainwashed. I USE my mind, I have decided this on my own, God knows I would have never listened to anyone else about it.

—Jean

Reasons that I didn't want to be a lesbian anymore:
1. I got tired of wearing plaid shirts
2. I don't want to carry my checkbook in my backpocket
3. I don't want a mullet haircut
4. I don't want to change the oil in my car, put a starter in it, or doing anything else mechanical
5. I gave back the toaster oven
6. I can't open a beer bottle by breaking the top on the sidewalk
7. Because there is not room for two people going through PMS in the same household

So What is a Good Approach

Maybe my anger gets a little misguided. I just didn't like the way my parents handled it at all when I was in that lesbian lifestyle. It felt very isolating. If someone could please show me how it benefited anyone at all for my father to tell me I was going to Hell, or my mother calling me in tears and acting like they were responsible for my soul, or telling me things I already knew. It just didn't do any good to handle it like that. I am sorry. The timing was wrong, it wasn’t in their hands but they wanted it to be. They wanted to play God with my soul, well it was between me and the Lord and they needed to let it go instead of making me feel like the biggest disappointment. I am not saying it wasn't a burden for them, but it was my burden to have this on me all the time, my parents miserable about what I was doing. It was just a horrible feeling.

I am not saying that they should have just embraced it. But quoting scriptures to me and having no understanding of why I had made this kind of choice, and putting that all on me didn't seem fair either. I am glad they prayed for me, but telling me that all the time, well it seemed like I was being manipulated. But they wouldn't talk about it really, just ambiguously say I worry about you. Or my mom would criticize where I worked and tell me things like I would end up working in restaurants my entire life, or tell me that if I didn't go back to school that I never would. Of course it was always, "why don't you come home and go back to school" what she really meant - "please get away from that woman and come home."

She would criticize my hair color or something else, she just found things wrong with me. I don't know if she did that because she couldn't talk about what was really bothering her. But I didn't WANT all of that on me. I still don't, I want them to forget about it completely and leave it all to God and stop trying to control things without ever mentioning the real thing they worry about.

It seemed like every time I called her she intentionally tried to make me feel guilty. It was always, "oh you never come around", or "I didn't notice your haircut because I never see you" or "she would never have not spent time with her own mother". And I didn't want to be around them much because I felt so guilty and she tried to make me feel guilty too. But she could mention everything else she thought was wrong with my life.

I am not saying I know a good way to handle a son or daughter that has this issue. But I think maybe an approach like, "You know what we believe, and you also know that we love you, and let's try to understand this together. I know how hard it was for you to tell me this and you are still my son/daughter. Please can we pray about this and try to get the help that you need." ARGGGGGGGH I don't know, I would have like that better than HELL HELL HELL

—Tina

I got involved in lesbianism while in college. I don’t know why, just a vice I guess. My other friends were lesbians too but quit when they left school. In gay lingo, we’re known as LUGS (Lesbians Until Graduation). If any LUGS are reading this, please post!

—From afar

I got married and both my husband and me were busy taking care of the children, struggling to stay financially afloat, keep up with the house, the usual. I didn’t have any real time to think about myself or the past, which was good I guess. I never told my husband about my past and I don’t want to.

Right now we’re at the point where we’re ahead, the kids are in school most of the day, and thoughts are starting to creep in my head. Like I’ll be doing the laundry and then all of a sudden I remember what it was like to caress a female breast. It’ll hit me just like that. It’s not that I long for that again, but I remember what it feels like and my husband knows what that feels like too and sometimes I don’t look at him cuz we both know what it’s like to be with a woman only he doesn’t know that I know. Does this all make sense? Some days I’m Mom #1 helping with school and church events and the next day Im wondering if anyone can tell that I used to be a lesbian. (HATE that word!)

I thought I was all alone. Desperate, I logged on to the internet and started searching for “once upon a lesbian” or something like that. I had never heard of ex-gay before. But I figured that there must be more like me out there. All of these hits came up, including yours (PFOX). I started crying right at my keyboard.

God bless you guys and gals for coming out of the closet (again). I wish it was me, but I don’t have the courage (I live in a small town) and I love my husband too much.

—Been there and done that

From a contented wife and former lesbian, I humbly utter these words of wisdom to all ex-lesbian brides-to-be:

1. Men are different from us women. It’s not bad, just different.
2. Women can not be men, no matter how hard we practice.
3. Don’t ask your husband for sex when he’s watching football.
4. Also, Let him have the remote.
5. Sex is great with semen, so relax!
6. You don’t know what love is until you see your husband’s smile on
your child’s face.
7. Love him.
8. Love Him.

—Leslie – lesbian-free for over five years now
From Cindy:

I am laughing hysterically. My friend just called me to tell me my ex (Pam) is getting married to another woman. I find this really funny, this is why it is funny:

She already had a "holy union" with someone else - that only lasted two years. "Lesbian holy union" is that an oxymoron?

Also, she and I only lasted five years together.

She knew this girl a few weeks before they moved in together, they haven't even know each other a year. Woohoo, I bet that is going to last. Oh that's right, lesbian relationships usually DON'T last.

If I had the guts to write her I would say:

Dear Pam,

While you were busy laughing at me and telling everyone I was crazy for going the ex-gay route and turning all of OUR associates against me I was busy getting a life, getting myself together, and turning back to Christ. I went to a therapist after I left you. I am now into a healthy state of mind.

When you started seeing someone else and lying about it I felt like my world was falling apart. Little did I know that a new world was opening up for me. As the line from Sound of Music goes, "God doesn't close a door without opening a window". I spent six months doing nothing but improving myself, working in therapy, and learning to see myself more as God sees me instead of the person I became with you.

But unlike you, I have realized what I was, what I am, and what I can be. Have you ever wondered why you go from lesbian relationship to relationship? One day you are going to have to face yourself and stop justifying everything that you do. There is a right and wrong, and the
truth isn't relative. Part of me doesn't blame you because I know that your environment caused you to be some of the things you are. But how long are you going to let your past define you?

You can laugh at me, wait for me to fall as an ex-gay, but you know what???? It isn't going to happen, I know too much now. I know that the consequences of choosing lesbianism over God were very dire and I never want to make such a poor choice again.

The Lord is healing me from those lesbian years. I never long to go back, I never miss it. I wake up and am grateful that I am not by your side. As a matter of fact, I am still trying to make up for all those lost years by challenging myself, by working on who I think God wants me to be.

I have learned that just because my old gay friends no longer value me doesn’t mean that I have no value. My worth is immeasurable to God. I know you are probably never going to see how those lesbian years affected me in such a negative way. I wanted to believe that the gay lifestyle was OK, but I never could believe that totally because it wasn't the truth.

So you can laugh at my attempt at becoming ex-gay. I am sure there are spying eyes that will inform you should I fall. But if I do the Lord will lift me back up and I will keep going down this path because it is the only true one.

It seems like it was ALL just some really bad dream and I woke up and my life was waiting FOR me to take it back. Can someone throw a magic wand over me and erase all of these things from my mind that I wish I didn't know, that I wish I had never seen!
I looked up the website for the lesbian couple on the Amanda Lewis Show who own that online lesbian store. It just really saddens me that innocent children are walking around wearing things like, "Goddess Bless Us Everyone", "My daddy's name is Donor", and "I was hatched by two chicks". I think that for me, even though I am on a pretty liberal campus (Michigan State University), I have chosen to surround myself with people who love God.

But I remember what it was like when I would have thought kids wearing stuff like that is great. Maybe I have tried to forget these past couple of years that people like that exist. We really should pray for those children. It's not their fault, but there will come a day when they will have the opportunity to accept Christ or reject Him, and this anti-God worldview is only going to make this harder for them.

But to sell clothing for children involving these same types of things is much different. It is politicizing children. So yeah, it is pretty sad, I can't believe they are selling that stuff and people actually buy it.

—Gone Back Home

Dear Friends,

I recently left the homosexual lifestyle shortly before I placed myself under the authority of Jesus Christ. To that end, I have joined a Christ centered church with a ministry designed for men emerging from the homosexual lifestyle. I am also taking intensive on-line Bible courses as well.

When I read about the S&M “pig party” in Chicago and the resulting death of one of the gay participants, I was not surprised. We have exactly the same thing going on here in Buffalo, although on a much smaller scale. The “bath house” was closed last fall when asimilar party got out of hand and the police were alerted. Curiously, the bath house was closed on building code violations, and not on illegal use or on violating the S/M laws.

Sex parties are so common in the gay community that the behavior has ceased to be shocking to the mainstream. A friend of mine had occasion to inform me yesterday that 2/3 of the personal ads placed in the Buffalo News by gay men were placed by men looking for anonymous hook ups. The local [homosexual] web page likewise is packed with ads like that.

So, against this background, I made the right decision to leave the homosexual lifestyle, while my health is still intact and young enough to begin a real family. Curiously, all of my gay friends have abandoned me, and, on my part, I am glad that they did. We now speak different
languages, and I have made a number of new Christian friends.

In Jesus’ matchless name,

—Charles

Matthew Shepard Propaganda Play

Problems with Matthew Shepard propaganda is:

1. Gay activists exploited it for their own means to get access to special rights for homosexuals.

2. Jesse Dirkshing and Matthew Curley have been killed by homosexuals but there isn't a sympathy play about them.

3. More minorities like me are killed for being minorities than are homosexuals.

4. Matthew Shepherd propositioned two males whom he knew were not gay because gays actively recruit and are aware that there's no such thing as “born that way.”

5. If the sodomy laws had been enforced, there would be minimized violence against active homosexuals and matthew shepherd would probably still be alive today. Instead of adding sexual orientation to hate crime laws, communities must start enforcing their sodomy laws and letting men know that the correct response to unsolicited propositions by homosexuals whether in bars or public restrooms is to report it to the police who can then prosecute based on sodomy laws or some other laws to protect the community.

6. More homosexuals are killed by AIDS as a result of sodomy than are killed by straight men.

7. More homosexuals are killed by other homosexuals (not including rough sex) than by straight men. Example: Gay serial killer Andrew
Cunanan.

8. The gay subculture encourages anonymous sex without warning of the dangers besides warning men to wear a condom. They need a public awareness program highlighting the dangers of anonymous sex or one-night stands with men. Women are aware of this danger because they're taught at a young age by their mothers about the dangers of strange men. The reason men don't get this warning is because they are not usually victimized by women in these situations; it's almost always the other way around -- women have to watch out for men (Sorry, guys!). But now that men are having sex with men, the same warnings have to be taught to them as though they were women.

—Jonathan and David aren’t lovers anymore.
I left the gay life before becoming a Christian. It is not easy, but it can be done. There are Jews who are leaving the life, and Mormons, and Hindus as well. It is not just Christians, it is men who ask the simple question - if this is right, why does it feel so wrong? And let their intellect and human curiosity and desire to know truth (which is a very masculine trait) guide them. It is easier to be a Christian and leave the life, but it is not the only way. Even Objectivists (Ayn Rand's Philosophy of man as a noble animal - does not support homosexuality...and her philosophy is one of atheism.) So there are ways out beyond Christianity.

If something is not biological, then what is it? Behavioral. And behavior can be changed. Most of the time with love and direction.

—A changed man

Ex-Gay Pride -- "Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So." Psalms 107:2

"Whom He has redeemed from the power of the devil."

That's us, everybody, so let's celebrate and tell everyone!

Trust me, if God can save me, then He can save anyone. Temptation doesn't define who we are. Temptation defines who Satan is. Temptation is not sin. Being tempted is not sin. Only giving in to temptation is sin.

—Free at last

The New Civil War: Gay vs. Ex-Gay

Why do gay activists hate us so much? Live and let live, I say. What our opposition calls us: everstraight women are "breeders" (the Lesbian Avengers must have come up with that!), former lesbians are "penis finders", and ex-gay men are "asshole quitters." (HA!Contempt or envy?)

I don't know about you, but I would be proud to be called any one of those names, so there!

—Amy, call me child of God

As a 15 year old girl, I was not real interested in boys. However, I was not a Tom Boy or someone we might label as boyish. I was just a late bloomer, I think. I sort of had a boy friend and I emphasize that he was a boy and a friend. We sort of dated, well, he didn't consider it a date since we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend, but he asked, he planned, he paid, it was a date. He had a regular girlfriend, but we still went
out. It wasn't that I was not physically attracted to him, he was a babe, I just wasn't into all that mushy stuff. Now, I admired his girlfriend. She was tall, she was outgoing, she had a beautiful olive complexion and deep eyes. She was honey wheat bread and I was wonder light white.

But my admiration of her was not sexual. I admired qualities in her that I myself did not possess. It wasn't until I was about 19-20 that I really got into the opposite sex. Yet, I was never head over heels passionate, that does not make me gay. When I was in my mid twenties, I was approached by a woman who befriended me and after getting to know me, told me that since I wasn't attracted to men when I was younger and since I was not real passionate with a man that I was a lesbian. She told me she could open worlds of passion and sexual satisfaction that no man could ever provide. She even told me that this was the way I was born and that I should just go with it, that it was my destiny.

I went home that night very confused. It did seem exciting. And, after all, she was right, I was not passionate and maybe that was why I was such a late bloomer. And, she was a very, very dear friend. I could talk to her about anything, things that I couldn't talk to my boyfriend about and I felt that she understood me. Wait, weren't those the same techniques used by cults to obtain new members? Isn't that they way they operated. First, they become your friend, they get you to open up and then they gather information about you. Then they take that information and use it to prove why you belong to that cult! This woman was trying to recruit me into the world of lesbianism using the same techniques! And it almost worked with me.

And it works, day in and day out with thousands of young men and women, confused about their impending maturity. It works day in and day out with thousands of men and women who are married, or have been married and are going through a rough emotional period. They take advantage of your situation in life to recruit you into their lifestyle. You see, in order for them to validate that their lifestyle is appropriate, they need to continually add to the ranks. Some naturally sway over to that side for whatever reason, but many, many more are recruited.

We are born bisexual. That is we have the ability to have sexual relations with members of the same sex and receive sexual gratification through an orgasm brought about by a member of the same sex. But, we were not created to be bisexual. It is very clear in the bible and by nature’s design that woman was made for man and vice-versa. So, homosexuality is not what we were created for and is not natural.

That woman was very convincing, but she used my life against me. And so it happens with so many young men and women. We need to educate our children when they are approached by homosexuals that they don't need to listen to what these people are saying. Be open with your children and listen to them in the same way that the recruiter (for lack of a better word) does. Validate that it is normal to be attracted to qualities in the same sex that we admire, but that does not mean that we are sexually attracted to that person. Validate that everybody matures at a different rate. The fact that Suzy Q is not dating and in love with boys at 15 just like Patty B, doesn't mean that Suzy is different.

Let’s save our daughters from a life of despair and fraud.

Can the truth ever completely leave a christian for good and forever? The only way I could survive in my gay lifestyle was to shut out God, or try to redefine what God was. I tried redefining the truth, and I never could really buy it. But for the six years I was totally in the lifestyle I could not read the Bible much at all. There were times when I wanted to read it, I mean but I just couldn't do it. I was so convinced that I would never walk into a regular church again, that I would never go back. But then there were times that I felt profound sadness at just what I had lost, or thought I had lost. I did numb myself to conviction, but that didn't always work. I had all these doubts about what I had gotten into, about the gay relationship I was in - it felt like I was trapped and like I was dying on the inside and slipping away.

I would try to avoid triggers for my guilt, that is why I avoided my family, it was a reminder and filled me with great sadness because there was such a distance and also a disappointment and worry and concern they felt and I didn't want to be aware of what they felt. It hurt too much to know at the time, so I stayed away as much as I could. The Lord wanted me out of it, I knew that, I really didn't know how to get out of it at the time, I had confused loyalties, a commitment. I didn't feel I could share with anyone the doubts and confusion I faced as I continued in the relationship. No gay person wants to hear that stuff, you'll just remind them of themselves, and I didn't want to talk to my parents because I didn't want them to be right. I didn't want to eat humble pie with them. They handled the situation the best they knew how, I know it hurt them. Some things that they said to me really hurt me too though.

Anyway, I actually prayed that my partner would cheat on me so I could escape and have that justification for abandoning her. Is that weird or what ? But it did happen, she did cheat and I did leave. I was really amazed that the church didn't fall on my head when I went to a regular church again. But the point is, the truth is still there in someone, it might be really buried, but it is still there. And I believe that any true christian will reach that moment when they can no longer bury the truth. So don't give up! I sure never thought I would be going to ex-gay therapy or even trying to get better. But the Lord did the most amazing thing, he showed me hope and so here I am and I am a pretty weak person, so it is ALL him. I know God hears the prayers of praying parents - pray on and keep the faith!

Can you believe someone would base their entire persona and identity on a sexual preference?? This is the claim of "gay culture". Your entire identity, everything that makes you "YOU", is sucked up into the side of you that is sexual. It can easily become ALL that you're about. You can eat, live, and breathe your sexuality-- and then call it being "proud" of who you are! With more ways to be "proud" of your homosexuality, gay men and women can mask their need to be ALL about their sexuality by joining political and social gay-rights groups. "Gay identified" = "Gay defined and confined"

I wish that homosexuality was only a sexual orientation. It is in fact a hunger and a need. No other community in the world is so defined by their sexual appetite as is the gay community. In fact, there are 'sub-communities' within the gay community for specific fetishes and flavors of sex.

The first thing to go is your identity. You forget who you are in Christ (if you are now in Christ) and begin to define yourself by your own desires. The next thing to go is your wisdom of the ways of the Lord. Your rationale and that barometer of RIGHT vs. WRONG that you once had seems quieted. In time you forget who God is and make up your own ideas about who He is TO YOU and IN YOUR life. Notice that these ideas about God revolve around one person-- YOURSELF. You'll be hard pressed to find a gay Christian today who will not argue the righteousness of their life based upon how they feel and how they see God. My joy of who God is begins with the fact that He is faithful unto Himself, never to change or to be altered by the opinion of any man, always steady and truthful, never wavering to the right or to the left. In other words, God's identity has NOTHING to do with ME and EVERYTHING to do with HIM. Besides the obvious ways that crossing the line from fantasy to reality in acting out brings death to your spiritual being, there are the added dangers of contracting a sexually-transmitted disease.

While I was active in the gay lifestyle, I was one of the "cleanest" sexual practitioners around. I would refuse to have certain types of sex because they were 'high-risk'. I also used all the 'protection' I could when I had sex with someone I did not know. Even as such, I succeeded in contracting 2 different STD's. Once is the herpes simplex virus and the other was pubic lice. The lice, also known as 'crabs', went away after some very unpleasant treatments and house/clothes/bedding cleaning. The herpes simplex virus is with me to this day. It is very likely that I contracted the herpes virus through oral sex or through kissing an infected person. Remember, it is almost guaranteed when you have sex with someone of the same-sex that you are kissing a mouth that has been in contact with genitals and bodily fluids such as urine, feces, semen, or even blood. Think about that.

—Your brother, Noe

Looking back, gay life had not been satisfying for many reasons. Besides the promiscuity, the dream of acceptance by the gay community had proven to be more of an illusion. I found more rejection in the homosexual lifestyle than in the heterosexual lifestyle because I wasn't young enough, buff enough or good looking enough. I used sex to fulfill basic masculine identity needs through anonymous sexual encounters. After reading several books about the causes and treatment of homosexuality, including Joe Nicolosi's works, I finally went into therapy. At last, something made sense to me, and I received hope amidst a crisis. I learned to fulfill my needs in healthy relationships. I realized that I was looking at men through the eyes of my critical mother - 'don't trust them.' Finally, I could see men through my own eyes, and that was a huge turning point for me. I found lasting and meaningful friendships, and eventually I graduated from therapy.

—http://www.peoplecanchange.com

Ex-Gay rights are human rights.

We love and respect homosexuals because we used to be homosexuals ourselves. Yet organized homosexuals are almost unanimous in their condemnation of ex-gays. The homophobia demonstrated against ex-gays by homosexuals is nothing short of hate mongering.

—Roberto

When I came out of the homosexual lifestyle at age 32, I felt like women had just landed on the planet. For the first time, I began to notice them in a different way, and that difference was good. I also noticed that I continued to look at men out of habit instead of
out of lust.

—Ex-Gay Strong

How you look on the outside vs. looking inside – God is working on you inside although it doesn’t look like it on the outside. Remember that.

—Bob, here to stay

Love and discipline go hand in hand. Now I realize that Gays are like children who demand approval. With my mother, I was always up in her face to intimidate her if she didn’t immediately accept my homosexuality and all of the baggage that went along with it. I tested her constantly. I’m sorry, Mom. Thanks for never giving up.

—Tyler – still on the path towards ex-gay freedom

Even More Reasons To Be Ex-Gay:

  • Finally coming to the point where you can forgive your parents.
  • Being able to throw away all the sex toys and make love like any other woman.
  • Loving your children because they look like your husband.
  • No longer waking up with a hangover and poppers all over the place.
  • Finally figuring it all out.
  • No more fighting with dykes.
  • No longer secretly loathing straights because I thought I could never be one.

—From Jenny – who would have guessed?!?

And from Jenny’s husband who has his own list of reasons to be ex-gay –

  • Saying goodbye to the health clinic.
  • Knowing what it’s like to have non-sexual friendships with other guys.
  • Loving my children’s mother.
  • Not having to worry about AIDS anymore.
  • Getting out.

 

Got an ex-gay personal experience? Email to pfox@pfox.org for insertion in the next edition of For Us. Read more Personal Stories at www.pfox.org