Diary of an Ex-Gay Man, Part 4

By Jake Taylor

Continued from Part 3

Yes, I actually exist

"Change is impossible" said one doctor. Well, I mustn't exist then. That's right, this page doesn't exist, in fact, I don't exist! I'm just a figment of your imagination. Change of sexuality is possible.

I must admit, however, that I wouldn't have believed that Reparative Therapy could actually work, if it weren't for the fact that it did work for me. If it hadn't worked, I probably would have (egotistically) concluded that it mustn't work for anyone. Of course, Reparative Therapy is simply a form of psychotherapy (there's nothing particularly new or unusual about it). And as yet another form of psychotherapy, the success rates are typically inline with what you would expect of psychotherapy.

Roughly, about a third experience good change, another third experience moderate change, and the remaining third doesn't experience any change. It's not spectacular, but considering it is changing something which is touted to be "impossible" to change, the results are remarkable. NOTE: This estimate is based on people who completed therapy with the help of a professional NARTH-approved therapist - and NOT people who have tried it for a few weeks/months and then stopped, or simply been a member of an "ex-gay" group in a church!

It has to be noted that sexuality is fluid. This has always been the case. The gay world abounds with stories of "straight" men temporarily deviating to homosexuality. This is because sexuality is fluid, not fixed. It is not set in stone. It can even change over time with age and circumstances. So it's not very remarkable to learn that we can now manipulate it willingly.

Contrary to what some say, Reparative Therapy does not, never has, ever, and never will, support efforts to change such as electric shock treatment, aversion therapy, drugs, hormone injections, or any other strange forms of treatment. Reparative Therapy is psychological - that means it involves talking, reading, and perhaps, writing.

Taking a break

Hello,
This will be my last entry. I find myself very busy with other aspects of my life. So I won't be writing any further entries.

However, just so you know: my therapy and journey out of homosexuality is continuing to go well. If there is anything the last nearly two years has taught me, it's that change is certainly real.

While the journey has, so far, been a mixture of forward and backward steps, I've kept at it. And I've continued to see that the "fixed and unchangeable" argument for homosexuality is wrong.

Sexuality in humans is a flowing thing that can certainly be manipulated. To deny this is to deny the basics of human nature itself (not to mention 80+ years of psychological research). Change in sexual feelings - whether from gay to straight or straight to gay - is in perfect alignment with everything psychology understands about the human mind. Saying change is impossible is like saying the sky isn't blue.

To anyone who is just starting out on the journey of change, I say this: Keep going, don't give up!

My life is so much better now. In ways I never thought possible, my personality has changed for the better. I'm somehow more mature, more self confident, and just an all-round better guy. Friends and family have remarked on it too. I cannot imagine life the way it used to be, with the depression, self-pity (which you only realize is there until after you get rid of it), the phobias, the inadequacies, and the reasons for feeling sad.
Being 100% gay, as I was, was 100% worse than life is now.

Reparative therapy (+ gender affirmation therapy) works! And that is a fact - no matter how much gay activits will be in denial about it.
My therapy will, as always, continue on.

Warm regards,
Jake

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." -- Chinese Proverb.

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Appendix: Essays by Jake Taylor

The Gay Ten Percent Myth

“We’re ten percent of the population!” said a gay character in an American TV sitcom. “One in ten people are gay!” says the representative of a gay rights group in a televised discussion. “Gay men and women represent approximately ten percent of the population” says a pamphlet produced by a gay organization.

Ten percent is a huge chunk of the population. Could that many people really be gay? What do modern scientific studies reveal? Do the numbers mean anything?

Origins
Before we consider the above questions, let’s discuss where the ten percent figure came from.

Back in the 1970’s, a National Gay Task Force campaigner called Bruce Voeller started to use the ten percent figure. He wanted to convince the American public that gays are "everywhere" in order to support their campaign. He derived the statistic from a 1948 book called Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male written by famous a sex researcher called Alfred Kinsey.

When it was released, Kinsey’s book shocked America. In part, it claimed that a third of American men have had at least one homosexual encounter since puberty, and ten percent of men have been more or less homosexual for at least three years.

Kinsey did not claim that ten percent of men were always homosexual. On the contrary, he claimed that just four percent of those he surveyed were exclusively homosexual. However, there is reason to believe that even this smaller figure may be inflated.

The book Sex and Fraud examines Kinsey’s work, and reveals that roughly a quarter of the men Kinsey surveyed were actually in jail. While not all prison inmates practice homosexuality, certainly a higher inclination of homosexuality would be found among them. It beggars belief, but included was over 1,000 convicted sex offenders in this census of supposedly “average” American men.

It is for these reasons that the ten percent figure should be viewed with much skepticism. However, we will consider even more reasons why the figure is nothing more than a myth. Please read on.

How many is ten percent?
Let’s imagine for a moment that the ten percent figure is correct. How many gay people are there?

Based on a global population of about 6,000,000,000 (six billion) then ten percent is 600,000,000 (six hundred million). That’s over half a billion people! Does that have a ring of truth about it? Do you really believe that over half a billion people could be gay?

What about the population of a city? The population of London’s greater area is approximately seven million. Ten percent of seven million is seven hundred thousand – that's nearly three-quarters of a million people in the London area alone. While London does have many gay venues and businesses, there are certainly not enough to support a population of that size. Let's not even consider that London is a tourist hot-spot and easily accessible to persons living in neighbouring cities and countries.

Indeed, in the summer of 2003, what was advertised as the "biggest gay parade and pride festival in Europe" took place in central London. According to official figures only a few thousand turned up. Almost as many people took part in the parade as those who stood by and watched it. Despite much media coverage, the free music concert in one of London’s parks failed to attract a large crowd, and most of the people who attended were obviously heterosexuals who were only there for the free entertainment (featuring many popular heterosexual DJs and pop groups).

To believe that ten percent of the population is gay is highly unrealistic. For each gay bar or nightclub, there are well over a thousand normal bars and nightclubs. The numbers simply don’t add up.

It should also be noted that Kinsey's second report into female sexuality places lesbianism at roughly half of that for males. So, even if we believe Kinsey, then by adding up the figures for men and women, ten percent of the population never was gay: (10 + 5) / 2 = 7.5%

It seems that the ten percent figure is obviously implausible and unrealistic - not to mention it's highly unreliable source. So, what do modern scientific studies tell us? Can they lend any support to the ten percent myth?

Modern Studies
Over the past decades there have been well over a dozen studies into the number of homosexual men and women. Yet, not one of them has reproduced the ten percent figure. Please consider the following studies from the USA.

· In January to March 1990 the National Center for Health Statistics, USA, ran three separate studies into health and AIDS awareness. They concluded that less than 3 percent of men had experienced same-sex relations at least once in the past fifteen years.

· The November 1991 Journal of Sex Research reported how The National Opinion Research Center, USA, ran four separate national studies in 1970, 1988, 1989 and 1990 using a total of 7,408 subjects, and a fifth survey on the city of Dallas, Texas, also in 1990. Putting the four national survey results together you find 1.8% of men had male-to-male sex in the previous 12 months. 3.3% experienced it “occasionally” or “fairly often” as adults. 5 to 7% had such contact at least once in their lives. The Dallas survey reported slightly higher results.

· In 1993 the Archives of Sexual Behavior incorporated studies by NORC and three other studies taken after 1988. The results are 5.5% male and 2.5% female for lifetime homosexual contact.

· In 1994 the report Social Organization of Sexuality used three thousand subjects and produced the following results. 1.3% of women reported at least one female sexual partner in the previous year. 3.8% at least one in their lifetime. Among sexually active men, 2.8% reported at least one male sexual partner in the previous year, with 7.1% at least one in their lifetime since puberty.

Now let’s take a look at some European studies:
· In November 1990 the British magazine Nature reported on the results of a survey taken in the UK. A pilot study was made of 1,000 British adults. This yielded a result of 9% of men and 4% of women having a homosexual experience at least once in their life. The numbers having a homosexual experience in the last year were 5% and 1% respectively.

· Later, in December 1992, Nature magazine ran the results of the bigger survey of 19,000 British men. This time the larger test group seemed to yield lower results. It was found that 3.6% of men had at least one homosexual experience in their life, and 1.1% had experienced a homosexual encounter in the previous year.

· In April 1989 the British Medical Journal ran the article “Sexual Behaviour of Young and Middle Aged men in England and Wales” which reported the results of small study of 480 subjects. They found only 1.7% had ever had a homosexual experience, and half of those had only had one such experience.

· In 1989 in the Netherlands, which has been called a “haven” for homosexuals, a study of 1000 subjects revealed 3.3% of men and just 0.4% of women declared a predominantly homosexual preference during the previous year, and 12% and 4% having a homosexual preference at least once in their lives.

· In 1992 a study in France was reported in both Nature and Science magazines. The study, with a massive 20,055 subjects, reported that 1.1% of men and 0.3% of women have had same-sex relations in the previous year, 1.4% and 0.4% in the previous five years, and 4.1% and 2.6% ever.

These types of studies seem to be very popular. No doubt there will be more of them released over the years. Why not do some investigation yourself, and look up one of the above studies, or perhaps a new one as they are released? You will find that the ten percent figure for life-long homosexual desires or behaviour is simply a myth.

What does it all mean?
Does this information mean anything, and is it really important? Yes, it means a lot and it is very important.

Firstly, we have to realize that the above facts are not a tightly-guarded secret. The very same pro-gay groups, journalists, and politicians that spread the ten percent myth actually know all of the facts we've mentioned.

In the video Gay Rights – Special Rights, a gay activist said, “The thing about the ‘1 in 10’ – I think people probably always did know that it was inflated. But it was quite a nice number that you could point to, that you could say ‘one in ten’ and it’s a good way to get people to visualize that we’re here.” A co-founder of ACT-UP is also quoted by Time magazine as saying "Bill Clinton and Jesse Helms worry about 10% of the population. They don't worry about 1%. This [new study] will give Bill Clinton a chance to welch on promises."

The pro-gay groups have known for many years that the ten percent figure is just a myth. Despite that, they have deliberately persisted in telling you lies. Why is that? The answer is simple. To manipulate you. They are lying to you so they can manipulate you to arrive at their viewpoints. The ends justify the means.

Secondly, we must realize that the percentages and numbers of persons who practice a certain behavior are, in fact, entirely irrelevant. Simply because a supposedly high proportion of people do something, there is no justification (or condemnation) for that behavior.

Pedophilia is very rare, but its rarity isn't what makes it wrong. Most people lie, but it's popularity doesn't make it right.

You may, of course, sympathize with the gay rights movement. This essay is not intended to argue against gay rights or any political viewpoint. However, if you do support the gay rights agenda (or any other political agenda for that matter), ask yourself this question: were you persuaded by legitimate, truthful, and logical arguments; or were you manipulated by lies, half-truths, and distortions, such as the ten percent myth? Would you have formed the same opinion if you hadn't been lied to?

Conclusion
The ten percent figure is nothing more than a myth. It was designed to fool you into believing certain things, and is based on statistics that are flawed and obviously wrong. Scores of corroborating studies demonstrate that the percentage of homosexually inclined persons is significantly lower than ten percent.

The APA and others who oppose change therapy are hypocrites

The APA (the American Psychological Association) has tried to ban Reparative Therapy. So it may come as a surprise to learn that the previous president of the APA, Dr. Ron Perloff, regarding this issue said "I believe that APA is flat out wrong, undemocratic, and shamefully unprofessional"!

In addition he said, "The APA is too goddamn politically correct...and too goddamn obeisant to special interests!... First, the data are not fully in yet. Second, if the client wants a change, listen to the client. Third, you're barring research... "

The NARTH website notes that "Dr. Perloff is a recipient of the American Psychological Foundation's Gold Medal Award for Lifetime Achievement in Psychology in the Public Interest. In bestowing the award, the Psychological Foundation recognized Perloff for his noted "love of social justice" and his career-long struggle to champion "the rights and dignity of women, minorities, and homosexuals.""

Yet this man supports efforts to research Reparative Therapy. The reason is that Dr. Perloff is not allowing politics to dictate scientific research. Unlike the so-called "rights" advocates, this man is not a hypocrite and a bigot.

The anti-ex-gay lobby is advocating censorship, barring medical research, muzzling free speech, and oppressing human rights.

Some say it's "harmful". I don't believe that at all. After learning even a small amount of information regarding psychotherapy and Reparative Therapy, one should know that such claims are false. The only people who claim it caused them 'harm' would be attention seekers wallowing in self-pity, trying to draw sympathy to the poor desolate soul they feel they are. Also, some claim that the APA actually said that it was harmful. But did they? The official APA resolution said there was "no evidence" for either the effectiveness or harm of Reparative treatments.

Some claim it should be banned because it is unethical. But is it? It allows me to live my life the way I choose, and I am happier for it. Everyone should have the right to choose. Does this, therefore, imply that the APA is ethical? Then ponder this for a moment...

A certain Dr. Rind was the lead author of the American Psychological Association-published article which claimed that when pedophiles have sex with young boys, it is beneficial. NARTH (National Association for Research and Treatment of Homosexuality) thought this was terrible, and exposed this in its 1999 Fact Sheet, "The Problem of Pedophilia," which was then brought to public attention by radio host Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Dr. Laura's outrage against the conclusions of the Rind article led to a reprimand of the APA by Congress. Later, the APA restated its strong support for "scientific freedom."

So, then, the APA has absolutely no problem in supporting and encouraging "scientific freedom" to investigate whether sexual molestation of boys is beneficial, but it discourages and opposes the scientific freedom to treat men for sexual desires that they don't even want.

Is that ethical?

Reasons Some Want to Oppress Reparative Therapy:

· Politics. Most of the oppression comes directly from the gay political groups. They, wrongly, think it is part of a right-wing political campaign.

· Exposes lies. It exposes some of the gay rights lobby as wrong when they claim science “proved” it is genetic and unchangeable.

· Fear. Fear that change may actually be possible.

· Fooled. Well-meaning persons may genuinely believe that it’s harmful, although these are really lies they have been told by gay political groups. They think gays are helpless victims who need defending.

· Ignorance. After hearing stories of persons who have failed to change, some mistakenly concluded that it mustn’t work at all, even though there is no medical treatment on earth that has a 100% success rate.

· Fascists. Anti-ex-gay groups dictate how others should live.

· Taboo. Because, not all gay men and women are happy with their “gay” lives, some want to silence disquieting voices.

Good Reasons to Keep Reparative Therapy Available·

Choice. Allows persons to choose their own destiny and decide for themselves how they should best live their life.

· No harm. There is no evidence that it causes any of the “harm” that some people claim.

· Ethical. It respects the moral and religious convictions of patients, which are currently ignored or ridiculed by anti-ex-gay psychologists.

· Benefits. Many persons have claimed that it benefits them immensely, and this has even been documented.

· It works. There is absolutely no doubt that sexuality is fluid, not set in stone, and can be modified or even change spontaneously.

· Interesting. It is an incredibly interesting new field of psychotherapy, and opens up new possibilities never seen before, and should be investigated further.

· Voluntary. It won’t work if it is forced on anyone.

· Advances knowledge. It extends our understanding of psychology as a whole, and uses methods of psychotherapy that have been long accepted for decades.

I will not have my life dictated to by political groups who think their way of life is best for everyone. They use lies, intimidation, dodgy research, slander, and threats to achieve their political ends. I will lead my life the way I choose.

Prognosis

There are many factors which effect how well a person undergoing change therapy will progress. Dr. Joseph Nicolosi in his book Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality lists these factors which a homosexual should have in order to undergo successful therapy:

1. No ambivalence in “rejecting a homosexual identity”

2. A “lack of indulgence in self-pity”

3. A “positive sense of self”

4. Possessing the necessary “ego-strength to tolerate stress and frustration”

5. Holding “traditional values and the sense of oneself as a member of heterosexual society”

6. The “ability to resist impulsive behaviors and to postpone gratification”

7. The setting of goals

8. The “capacity to reflect upon, verbalize, and learn from past experiences”

9. Not submitting to “a fatalistic attitude or who see life as happening to them”

10. The ability to be “honest with oneself and others… as is the ability to identify what one is feeling”

11. Having “an appreciation for gender differences”

12. Those who “have been less sexually active have better prognoses”

13. Of “the utmost value” is patience…

14. …and “acceptance of the ongoing nature of this struggle.”

Keep in mind, however, that the goal is not a cure. Reparative Therapy is never touted as a cure - but simply change. It is amusing to note, however, that many ridiculers often claim therapy is touted as a "cure" - even putting the word cure in quotation marks, as if they are quoting it from some source. It's amusing because it reveals the profound depth of ignorance in such people.

The truth is, therapy is not a cure, and is never described as being such. There are very few persons who have a complete change. The Spitzer study by Dr. Robert Spitzer of Columbia University deliberately examined people who had the guts to complete therapy, and who claimed that Therapy had worked for them. Even among this exclusively successful group, “complete change was the case for only 11% of the males.” This corroborates with the study by Dr. van den Aardweg in 1986 which stated that 11% of his clients experienced “radical change,” which is defined as “no homosexual interests except for occasional and weak homosexual ‘flashes’ at most and the restoration of full heterosexuality.”
Do not misunderstand, though. You have every chance of experiencing radical change yourself. Even if you do not, you can experience much change. The Spitzer study used a scale of 0 to 100 (zero being heterosexual, one hundred being homosexual) to measure homosexual attraction. Before therapy, the successful males averaged 91 in this scale. However, after therapy they averaged just 23 on the scale. That’s a shift of 68 points!

Therefore, as one who has undergone therapy, I strongly believe that Reparative Therapy (and it's Gender-Affirmation Therapy counterpart) is perfectly good and can shift sexual desire a huge amount.

A few tips...

Here are some things that I have stuck to since I started therapy:

1. Try to do something associated with your therapy every single day without fail – even something small.

2. Never, ever, look at gay porn or have gay sex or go to gay bars. Each time you do, your progress is delayed, stopped, or reversed.

3. Read, highlight, study and take notes from every Reparative Therapy book you’ve got. Read it more than once.

4. Do things to “test your masculinity” or “confront your fears” as often as possible. Start small, and work up the ladder.

5. Keep away from all caffeine – in coffee, cola, weigh-loss tablets, energy drinks, etc. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me on this (caffeine increases sex-drive in some people)

6. Practice self-discipline in small ways. T his will help control yourself in the big things.

7. Know some statistics about gay relationships. This will open your eyes to the fallacy of gay “love.”

8. Get connected with your body. Appreciate that you are a man from the crown of your head to the tip of your toes.

9. Take an interest in “masculine” things. But find one you can be genuinely interested in. Not all men like football.

10. Get help from others. Whether it is mentors, a psychotherapist, your parents, trusted friends, or someone else. Isolation = Death

And a final thing which I must mention: you’re not special. If you do things incorrectly, the therapy will not magically work for you because you are somehow different than other men. Take other men's advice, as well as the advice of psychologists. Some things may be difficult to accept (such as admitting personality flaws), but you will benefit by being humble and willing to accept help.

Don't Be Stupid

I once gave some herbal tablets to a friend of mine who had a particular skin condition. I told him the tablets may help treat it. At great expense, I obtained the tablets for him and told him that he must take three a day for at least three weeks before any changes start to appear. He was very grateful and he agreed to take them.

Upon seeing him again a few months later, I asked if the tablets had been any help. He bluntly answered, “No, they didn’t work”. I was perplexed at his answer, as I was sure that they would have helped – even if it was just a little bit. However, I later found out from another member of his family what had happened. After I gave him the bottle, he took just one tablet, waited an hour, concluded that it hadn’t worked, and then threw the rest of them in the garbage!

Therefore, if you’re going to give Reparative Therapy a try, ask yourself this first: am I going to give it a proper attempt, or am I going to try it just long enough to prove that it won’t work, or give up if it doesn’t work straight away, or finally, give up after a short time due to sheer laziness?