Two Ex-gay Stories

I am a woman who divorced my husband because I didn't want to hurt him if I had another affair with a woman. I determined "I was just gay and needed to be honest about that before God and myself" so I divorced. He didn't want the divorce and deep down I really didn't want it either, I just couldn't help myself. I didn't allow God to help me either. I went to counseling with my husband for about 1 1/2 months and then left. This is such a difficult thing. Unless you've really lived it, I'm not sure you can fully understand, so others view it from the perspective that it is sin.

I don't consider it to be similar to something like pornography because one doesn't identify themselves in terms of a "pornographer," but w/homosexuality the big lie is it becomes "who you are". You accept the statement "I'm gay, and that's just a part of who I am". That's why it is so important in the healing process to study who you are, who God sees you to be.

I used to say, yes I'm gay but I'm Christian first and being gay is only a part of me. I attended an "open and affirming United Methodist church" that accepted my partner, myself, and my family with open arms. We served as Sunday school teachers, trustees, sang in the choir and on the worship team. So, what made me change from gay to straight?

Well, my partner had tried to have insemination but found she was in early menopause at age 28. After the trauma of that, we decided to adopt a boy from Guatemala. About 3 months prior to his arrival, she told me she was emotionally connected more to a friend of ours than to me, and the rest is history.

But I was having thoughts of “something is missing in the relationship” for about a year prior to that, and found myself missing men in general, not necessarily sexually, but rather a male perspective and such.

I was so distraught over hurting my husband and children from the divorce that I made a vow to the Lord never to leave anyone again, which is the main reason I didn't say anything to my lesbian partner. You see I had determined that I would live out my commitment to my partner regardless of how I felt. (Too bad I didn't do that in my vows in marriage, I guess I viewed this as a "second chance"). I was weak and a coward now that I look back.

My daughter at age 13 experienced a time of wanting to dress "trashy" so my partner and I sat her down and said we knew she wasn't gay and didn't like the fact that we were, but she didn't have to go the opposite direction with her dressing style and that we would not allow it. She did change somewhat her clothing style after that conversation.

Then when my partner left, my daughter had a summer female relationship and was quite open about it. But at the close of summer she "fell in love" with a young man. She then felt horrible that she ever had the relationship with the woman who was six years older than she (much to my dismay), and quite embarrassed. She told me she thought it was wrong.

At that time I was talking to her and saying I knew she grew up in an openly gay home, but that I was trying to change. I told her I had no right to ask her not to pursue this lesbian life but that it would probably be filled with pain. I also told her I was there for her and would be there to talk to her and that this was a time in her life that she needed to learn to make decisions based on what she knew about God and what we had taught her through the years. She is still with that young man three years later and they plan to marry when she is finished with college.

My son used to call my partner his stepmother when he was younger but at around age 10 was more embarrassed with friends as to "who" she was to him. He doesn't want me to find a woman but a man to be with, and my daughter kind of goes back and forth. She just wants me to be happy and find someone to take care of me. (My daughter the social worker!) She asked me the other night, "So are you gay today or what?" I had to laugh and say "it didn't quite work that way." Then she added you need to pick one and just do it... Ah from the mouths of children?

Anyhow, they are both really good kids. My son is living w/his dad in the next town over because I wanted him to be with a male, namely his dad during adolescence, and to be in a larger family as he has two younger brothers and a stepmom. I am friends with my children's dad and wife, and we often get together. God has been merciful there, but when we divorced we determined not to put the kids in the middle and to try to be friendly. It's interesting that I have a better relationship w/my ex-husband and no contact w/my former partner and her child.

Stephanie

As an ex-gay man, I feel that the homosexual lifestyle itself is the biggest reason to change. It is the WORST lifestyle a person could ever lead. It is said, among the most experienced homosexuals, that those who are better adjusted are the ones who abandon all hope of having a life-partner, and instead settle for all they can realistically achieve: anonymous sexual encounters. Do we realize what that means?

The gay lifestyle reduces, on average, a person’s lifespan by more than 20 years. Even when corrected for AIDS, it is still alarming how much a person’s lifespan is reduced.

Study after study after study confirms the terrible levels of depression, suicide, drug abuse, and STDs prevalent in the lifestyle. And let's not even go into the bitchiness and childishness so prevalent in the gay subculture.

Even if one fools oneself into believing that one can avoid the depression, suicide, drug abuse, and STDs - one cannot avoid watching your friends suffer and die from such things all around you. Of course, when I say friends I should say "friends". They are only your "friends" so long as they can get what they want from you.

Because the gay world is like a meat market - you are only worth what you possess. Once you get really old (like, 30) you're not wanted anymore. And a the life of a fat guy, a disabled guy, or a guy with a small penis, is worth a lot less than a thin, fit, and large guy. Your personality and your personal happiness are secondary to your physical appearance. How often I have seen two gay guys deeply "in love" separate because they've found someone else fitter, or don't think the other is good-looking anymore.

Which brings me to gay "love". It's a myth. It doesn't exist. Anyone with the slightest bit of common sense who is in the gay world can see how often gay men break-up, and how fragile relationships are. They're totally immature. They practically move in after just meeting, and break up when they find someone better. But none of them can see this futile cycle due to their own denial and blindness to the truth that gay "love" is a mere fairytale. Infidelity is the norm in the gay world. The average relationship lasts only a year.

If there's one constant thing I've seen in the gay world, it's depression. And it's not caused by "oppression" or "bias" in society. It's caused by the gay "community" itself. It's a sad pathetic lifestyle that damages people.

RUN A MILE. Get away from it. Don't touch it. You don't need it. You're worth far more than being sucked in by and used by that selfish world. Pursue therapy, feel better, feel more masculine, have *real* male friends who actually love you for who you are, and not for what you've got that they can take.

And change doesn't require a religion. Most of my change took place without one, so it is possible. The strictly psychological therapy books don't include any religious things anyway, so one is free to pursue a strictly medical treatment.

Kind regards,

Simon